January 19, 2011

The One with the OPPOSITE Sexes

Today, I would like to share a little word of encouragement:

It's ok to be different from your spouse.

Every form of media seems to have something to say about this topic of relationship compatibility. (Which, oddly enough, is easily mistyped to form "comBatability.") We hear messages about what type of person you should marry based on your Myers-Briggs indicator or your astrological sign or even your birth order. 

Kevin and I failed at all of those. 
No, seriously. 

We are complete opposites on all of 1 of the MBTI test. 
We are both Scorpios. (Which doesn't matter at all to either of us, but most secular relationship advice says no Scorpio should marry a Scorpio. Volatile connection apparently. Ooops.)
We are both FIRST BORNS.* (That's a no-brainer. Two bossy, head-strong individuals getting married?! We are dumb.)

*I know a few other first born-first born couples, and they have great marriages too, so THERE!

But you know what? I'm so over those worldly interpretations and you should be too! No, Kevin and I don't have tons of commonalities. But our faith and our standards and our passions and our dreams are spot on. We share a sense of humor and a love of good food. We love learning and playing good music together. We are both utterly ridiculous at times (me much more than him). We love to think deeply and read good books.

And we're pretty cute.

I don't understand why he loves to play computer games so much and I don't think I ever will. I will probably always be a bit annoyed by it, in fact. But it's something he enjoys and it's what he does to relax, so I'll go with it. 

He may never comprehend why I get so dang emotional all the time or why I can't just shut off those nagging thoughts until things are resolved. He'd rather be able to say "Move on, Mel" and have it really work. But it never will, and he'll keep learning how to deal with it. 

All those remarks aside, the truth remains-- you can be different from your spouse. It's so cool to learn about the opposite sex from a person you know and love deeply. It seems there will never be an end to this educational process--we're in this for the long haul. 

And honestly, I can't wait to keep getting to know him better. 

Your spouse is always changing, learning, growing. It's a beautiful thing. And you get experience life with them. It's annoying sometimes, sure. It can be completely angering every now and again. But I encourage you to be thankful. Look for the growth and commend each other--spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Make an effort to enjoy each other's activities. Go out of your way to spend time with each other, experiencing new things. 

So what if you're not very much alike or if ALL the research says your relationship is doomed! Are you willing to prove them all wrong

One really really awesome way to learn more about each other is through reading the books entitled For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. I simply cannot say enough wonderful things about these books. Within hours of reading each chapter and having our perceptions about each other totally rocked, both Kevin and I have made diliberate efforts put into practice what we've learned. And the crazy thing? We're BOTH reaping the benefits! It's astounding! 

Both books are candid--no fluff. They are easy to understand and give straightforward advice that really works with immediate results. This couple did serious scientific research by interviewing thousands of "regular" men and women. They present their undeniable findings in these small books--each written specifically from the man's or woman's perspective. 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read these books! (women read the Women book, men read Men, of course.) Borrow them from the library, buy them online or at a used book store. Do what you have to to get snag a copy and change your perspective, your marriage, and your life. 

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  1. Okay, a few things.

    1. I JUST posted about how Nate and I are very different in one way in particular. Great minds think alike.
    2. I've read *part* of "For Women Only." I'm not really sure why I've never finished it.
    3. I also know a few couples who are both first borns and have very successful marriages. No worries.

    The end. :o)

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  3. Probably one of the first and most important things you can learn before getting married. Keep speaking the truth Mel!

  4. LOl so we are the same in that i will never understand nicks obsession with his xbox and he doesnt understand how i can be so emotional bahahahah glad we are not alone :)

  5. Jen and I are first borns and we couldn't be happier. Being best friends is one of the most important parts of being compatible. Good post.

  6. Im glad other wives struggle with their husband's desire to play computer/video games. I suppose since I never saw my dad play video games I just assumed that grown men didnt/shouldn't either. Thankfully its a cheap hobby that he does enjoy- just as he cant quite fathom why i spend hours (and $) on scrapbooking...

  7. Oh Melanie! This made me laugh quite a bit :)
    But it is also very encouraging, thanks for sharing — and the book suggestion, of course


Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. If you want share directly with us, feel free to email kevin.melanie@gmail.com