Every once in a while I have an "off" week. You know the kind, don't you? I just feel "blah" for no apparent reason. The couch becomes my best friend, and I can't motivate myself to move more often than necessary. I watch too much tv and feel guilty about it, but I can't seem to do anything else. Even reading seems like a chore. Every afternoon I become overcome with tiredness, and I slept for an hour (or 3). I am emotional, but could find no roots to my moods.
That was me, two weeks ago. Thankfully this type of experience is completely atypical for me. Most days, I'm up-beat, energized, and motivated. I spent much of that week in prayer, asking Jesus to take from me the weightiness, the burden. I prayed and prayed some more, even hoping that I might discover a few of the roots of my behavior.
At the end of the week, I finally had that "aha" moment. It was (of course) filled with an abundance of tears. A release. And it felt so good. The pain, the problem, was now at the surface, ready and willing to be handed over. And He was faithful to deliver me. Once again. And I feel a bit more refined, as if that week of darkness and pain was another moment the Lord was spending with me, refiner's fire style. Growth never occurs without pain, a dying to self. Feet are shuffled, tears are shed--but so are shackles. Thank you, Jesus.
And I give Him all the glory for the past few days of encouragement after encouragement. Many of those moments of joy may have been missed, forgotten, ignored, if I hadn't spent an entire week wrestling over those exact issues with the Lord. He opened my eyes to see beauty where I was just feeling frustration. He gave me hope, where I felt defeated. He filled me up, though I was depleted.
He is faithful. Be on the lookout.