I have something to confess. I have been keeping a very large corner of my heart a secret from you all for many months. I didn't know if I should share or if this was something the Lord wanted me to keep private. And so I've waited for a peace about when to open this up for all to see.
But I haven't been able to blog, to write anything, because I feel false, like I'm hiding something. And I am.
It has been over 2 -1/2 years (31 months to be exact) since Kevin and I have been trying to conceive. We have been unsuccessful in starting our family--a pain I didn't know I would ever experience, nor could have I comprehended. As I have started sharing more openly with friends and family the pain lessened, and I learned of friends in similar circumstances willing to stand shoulder to shoulder. No one has been unkind or pushy. Prayers are offered and some tears have been shed. Women everywhere understand the longing in our hearts to give birth to our own, to raise a child, to be called "Mother."
And so, even after sharing this struggle with many friends in our Christmas letter, it is with trepidation that I pour out my heart to all of you.
Lord Jesus, as I begin to share my story use it to bring me freedom and to work in the heart of a friend or a stranger. All of this for you, Jesus.
Over the next few weeks, I want to share more of our journey, how it began, where we are now, the tears that have fallen, the joy that has been granted. God is so good to us. He has been faithful to uphold us, to hide us in the shelter of his wing. He has withstood my angry cries, and offered peace. As I look back over the last 31 months, I am thankful the lessons I've learned. Most notably, contentment.
And with that I ask you, friends, will you journey with me down this road of confusion and questions, pain and blessing?