The One with the Fast

Today was rough.

Want to know why?

I'm so glad you asked.

Well, it all started yesterday around 4pm.

It has been at least a month of feeling just plain "heavy".

Weighted down.

Larger than my body has ever felt.

All of my pants are too tight.

That is a definite indicator that we have a bit of a problem.

Especially the two pairs I just bought this summer that fit perfectly.

Let alone the pairs from last year or the year before.

Eek.

Now, I realize that I can't expect my body to stay in the exact same form for the rest of my life.

But I also know I can't just give up.

I exercise enough.

I'm not adding anything to that 6 or 7 day routine.

But evidently I've gotten into some bad eating habits.

I've dealt with this for as long as I can remember.

I'm sure none of you know what I'm talking about.

But this time, it had gone from a bit unhappy to just plain unhealthy.

I had far exceeded my limit.

So when I stepped on the scales yesterday out of sheer frustration and curiosity,

let's just say I was a tad bit (read: completely) disappointed.

I had stayed away from the scales because I know the "number" is not what matters.

But I had seen all the other signs and I guess I needed to know.

It was not my favorite moment.

That night I set serious goals and day to day expectations with Kevin.

I have enlisted his hard core help.

He has always gone easy on me in the past when I ask for help in this area.

He admitted it was because he never ever wanting me thinking it was because he thought I needed to lose weight.

So he made sure I understood that whenever he's "harsh" with me in the future it will be because he wants me to be happy.

Something I'm definitely not experiencing right now.

I need that.

I won't like that.

But I need that.

To start things off right. clean. fresh. we decided on a fast.

From 8pm Sunday until 8pm Monday we have been standing alongside one another.

Throughout the struggles and the temptations of crazy hunger.

It has been eye opening in a few ways.

Though not my first fast, it's my first day long fast in at least 8 years.

I learned how much I depend on food.

How I'm afraid to be hungry.

How I eat when I'm bored.

Or stressed.

Or excited.

Or frustrated.

How I eat way too often and way too much.

There are so many more reasons I'm sure.

But we have resolved to just crack down and make the change.

And it's hard to believe this can change, I'm not gonna lie.

I feel like a failure.

As I've seen myself fall short over and over.

But I can do this.

Right?

With God's blessing. His sustenance. His support.

And Kevin's encouragement.

I can do this.

The One with the DC, the Deer, and other Delightful Divulgences

What a terrific Friday and Saturday.

I had no idea a "business" visit to SAU would turn awesome.

We started out by meeting Kevin's Dad in the dining commons for lunch.

It was delicious.

And quite impressive.

Things have changed a lot since we were daily diners.

Is it weird if I wish I could eat there every day?

When 3 years ago I would have begged for anything else?

I'm not sure if everything is that much more amazing

(I think it is!)

or if I just like the novelty of it.

Maybe a little of both.

After meeting with so and so and the other guy about Kevin's education certification, we caught up with Dr. B.

It had been too long.

Plain and simple.

I miss having a good long sit down with the three of us.

He was a fantastic mentor to both of us.

Maybe one day we'll be back.

I left campus in time to meet Britt for dinner break at Walmart's Subway.

Getting to Walmart from campus is super easy.

I did it a million times.

But I missed my exit.

And made a wrong turn.

Or three.

I called Kevin twice.

To get directions to a place I used to know like the back of my hand.

What in the world?!

I was so embarrassed.

I almost cried at my sheer stupidity.

And besides that I was wasting the few precious minutes to hang out with my bff.

Whom I hadn't seen in something like four months.

I finally arrived.

It was a good 45 minutes.

Especially the part about the ooey gooey chocolate chip cookies fresh from Subway's oven.

Oh. my.

The happiness of it.

I made it back to campus with not a problem.

I apparently had gotten over the mental block of driving directions in my old stomping ground.

I picked Kevin up from the ultimate frisbee game.

That was a bit of an ordeal.

Every sign along the road read "no stopping, standing or parking."

So how in the world was I going to get his attention.

He couldn't hear me shouting.

Or whistling.

Or calling his cell phone.

Grr.

I drove around and around.

Honking.

Hoping he'd be looking for me.

Finally, one of the guys called him for me and we were on our way.

After deciding with Nick and Britt that we would have a sleepover later that night.

I love the one time each year that I'm spontaneous.

Before that party started, though, we had plans for dinner with Mom & Dad E.

It was a really wonderful time to sit and catch up.

I think I like being an adult.

It's good times.

In fact, I think I like that I'm finally allowed to be an adult.

After spending my whole childhood wishing I could just sit and talk with my mom and her friends.

I don't know if that's lame.

Or really mature.

Maybe both.

In any case, we had a delicious home cooked dinner.

and great talks.

I was getting uber tired when...

OH WAIT.

I forgot about the deer.

On the way to Kevin's parents' house, the sun was just starting to set.

It was dusk.

Prime time for dear in Michigan.

Which I completely neglected to remember.

As I was driving (which is strange for us, but I had picked Kevin up from frisbee, 'member?),

Kevin suddenly started yelling,

"STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!"

Instantly I hit the break, still not seeing why I was stopping.

As he continued shouting, I kept applying more pressure to the pedal.

Then I saw the deer.

On the left side of the road.

About 10 feet from the car.

Getting ready to run out in front of us.

Harder and harder I slammed on the breaks.

I burned rubber.

I've never hit the breaks so hard.

It was so. scary.

I had to swerve at the last second.

I almost nicked his back end with the front right bumper.

woah.

That was close.

way. too. close.

I was totally shook up.

But Kevin was really proud of my reaction time.

Especially given that I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing.

He asked if he should do something differently next time.

I said, "No. You scared the crap out of me, but I'd rather that then be scared to death and then actually run over the dear."

In a Civic.

At 55 mph.

We could have died.

I'd rather not experience that again.

As I was saying, we had a lovely time with family.

Then by 9pm I was wondering if I was going to be able to stay awake for time with friends.

I resolved to do so.

It was a great time with Britt & Nick.

It was casual.

Comfortable.

We wore their sweats.

We watched The Proposal.

(Good movie. Very funny.)

I ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

(The taste you can see.)

Twice.

The boys went to get pizza, but the place that was open said they were closed.

Lame.

I was glad I wasn't the first one (for once in my life) to say I was tired and wanted to go to bed.

We went to our guest bedroom at 1:30am.

Slept in till 9:30.

Glory be.

We all chatted for a while more.

Left at 11.

It was just seriously good times.

Much needed.

It was just all good times

And today is absolutely stunning.

Did we skip winter?

Cause it smells like spring now?

Hmm.

I really want to get outside again, but I don't feel like moving at the same time.

I don't want to waste this opportunity.

But I have no clue what I feel like doing if not lounging in my sweats.

Meh.

On an even more fabulous note, the amazing Emily Smith has posted a preview of our family portrait session on her blog.

(It's the third entry down on November 7th.)

You must check them out.

I'm in love.

And you won't want to miss the full collection.

The One with SnapIt

I was asked to review a really cool software product.

I was excited for this opportunity.

Though I'm not at all computer savvy, I set out to learn this program from Digeus Software.

Called SnapIt Screen Capture, this is a super simple & very convenient computer tool.

I would recommend downloading the free 14 day trial.

Checking it out for yourself.

After opening the program you will find the cute little camera icon on your system tray.

Once the program is running you can use it at any time to take a snap shot of any section of a certain screen.

This is done simply by pressing the "Prt Scr" (print screen) button on your keyboard.

Next your mouse will become your cropping tool.

Select the portion of your screen you wish to capture and release the mouse button.

Then save your item wherever you choose by right clicking on the camera SnapIt icon.

The results will be something like these:

So check out SnapIt for 14 days and see if you're interested in this easy to use Screen Capturing program.

The One Asking for More Advice

Having my husband home all day is different.

It's taken some getting used to.

I'm not gonna lie.

It makes me realize the extent of my anal retentive daily scheduling.

Knowing he's here just throws me for a loop.

I'm like a chicken with my head cut off.

What to do? What to do?

What do I normally do?

How do I get things done?

It's weird.

But it's also wonderful.

I'm fairly certain it'll be at least 30 years before we experience this "all day togetherness."

As in, after he retires.

And our children have moved out.

So we're enjoying it.

He's a great help as I work through youth group items and as I begin laying down piano lesson policies.

I like being able to talk things through with him as I think of them.

And not having to remember to talk to him about such and such.

Speaking of piano lessons, I think I'm ready.

Ready to start expanding my list of students.

I think I'm most comfortable teaching a beginner.

Versus someone who knows quite a bit of piano.

That brings into question how they have been taught.

And if I can keep up.

And so on.

But I officially formatted my lesson policies so I have a regulated format by which to instruct each student.

This way there's not the temptation to do something for this student that I really rather not do.

It's on paper.

For all to see.

And I'm going to be talking with the Pastor about the possibility of announcing or posting my lesson information in church sometime soon.

I might look into newspaper ads too.

And if you know of anyone in my area interested in lessons, point them my way.

Obviously God knew we'd need this income before we did.

Thank you, Jesus, for preparing me for this work.

I pray I will make you proud.

Have you heard of Operation Christmas Child?

I can't even remember the first time I filled a shoebox with my family.

I was probably 8 years old.

I've been packing shoeboxes and sending them overseas each year since then.

I absolutely love this ministry.

And Kevin and I have been continuing the tradition each Christmas.

One year we didn't buy one another gifts--only packed boxes together.

I think we might do that again this Christmas.

In fact, we've just decided to go shopping today!

We've been working with the youth group on this mission as well.

Encouraging them to save their money to fill their boxes.

Go without that candy bar or that new shirt or that pop at the restaurant.

And bless someone who has nothing.

How cool is that?

I appreciate all of the camera advice I've received.

Though we probably won't be making a purchase any time soon, I love collecting information.

In fact, even I was serious about buying a camera right now, it wouldn't actually mean right now.

It would mean a few months from now.

After I asked everyone I know.

After I've shopped every venue.

Read every review.

I don't make hasty decisions.

I can't make a quick choice if my life depended on it.

It's one my flaws. Or gifts.

Depends on how you look at it.

So in the meantime, feel free to continue educating me with your camera expertise.

And speaking of advice, I have been looking into a protein drink supplement.

I don't think I get near enough protein in my diet to repair all the muscles I've torn up during my daily workouts.

And what protein I do get tends to be the high calorie/fat protein--like nuts and peanut butter.

And I just don't need extra fat.

I think the right amount of protein would have a great affect on my body and my energy.

But I don't just want to get sucked into to a product that is dangerous in any way.

I want this to be a healthy choice.

And I wonder if anyone out there has any advice.

Pro or con.

Particular products.

Anything at all.

The One with Our Sustenance

I definitely had the flu.

Sunday evening and through the night were terrible.

Miserable.

Awful.

Chills. But sweating bullets. =fever.

Plus the unbearable aches.

And the headache.

And the congestion.

And the nausea.

And who knows what else.

But it's gone now.

And for that I am thankful.

Three times in one season is more than enough.

And yet, the season has barely begun.

Uggg.

It is good to be home sweet home.

But we really did have a fantastic time.

What a blessing it was to be away together.

To be like minded.

Being one in spirit and purpose.

(Making Paul's joy complete. Yay! Phil. 2:2)

God's hand was evident in this entire experience.

Not only in the youth worker fellowship.

And the learning and brainstorming.

But in the timing.

This trip to the NYWC was a physical break for my husband.

From Biochemist.

To Youth Worker & Educator.

(High School Chemistry Teacher following months of certification, that is.)

You see, we left for this trip two days after Kevin turned in his resignation.

After seeing his grad school advisor jump off the deep end,

repeatedly attempt to ruin Kevin's witness by calling him a liar

(with completely ludicrous support),

never letting Kevin defend himself,

and, since he had no grounds to fire Kevin, deciding he would make his life completely miserable and formulate a list of new TA (teacher's assistant) responsibilities

(which just so happen to have been impossible to fulfill),

we decided Kevin's only option was to step away.

So now we are walking by faith alone.

Apparently we (or I) had gotten a little too comfortable.

We have been too far removed from our loaves and fish lifestyle of summer 2008.

We have become dependent on ourselves.

So it's time to be reminded of the Lord's faithfulness.

Because HE is always faithful.

And just one of the reasons we are certain of God's hand in this is the sheer fact that I am not completely freaking out.

Not freaking out at all, actually.

It is certainly true that we have no consistent income.

No income at all until Kevin starts getting called to substitute teach.

And that we hadn't planned on these next two months of plan-less-ness.

But alas there is Psalm 55:22.

"Cast your cares on the LORD

and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall."

Amen and amen.

The One with No Internets

I can't quite think straight.

Besides the fact that so much has happened in so little time, I also just so happen to be in bed.

Trying to figure out if I've officially contracted H1N1.

I predicted this about 5 hours ago.

I said, “With thousands of youth workers gathering here from across the country I bet you 80% of us go home having succumbed to this feared flu.”

Oh geez.

Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.

Today I have felt like a lump of jello.

Every inch of my body has been aching.

Most of the day I've contributed it to the treadmill running I've done the last two mornings.

I figured I was sore because of this different workout.

And my feet must be hurting because I definitely did not choose to the right shoes to bring.

(I almost bought a new pair at Payless yesterday, but I decided since it was my fault my feet were sore, I would just have to deal with the consequences.

Especially since I have at least 3 pairs of comfy, supportive shoes at home.

But those were stylish enough.

Again, Oh geez.)

But during this morning's Big Room session my throat starting hurting out of nowhere.

I thought it might be a fluke.

But it's still sore.

And my lymph nodes on the left side of my neck are sore too.

Both bad signs for me.

I know these signs.

So I finally started thinking, “I might be this ridiculously sore because I'M SICK.”

Grrrr.

I've already been sick twice this season.

So we skipped the early even lab session so I could nap.

And nap I did.

Actually I napped yesterday too.

I was out like a light.

Which also should have been a clue.

But when I woke up I've now been experiencing chills.

And nausea (though that may or may not have something to do with the seriously amazing Chinese food I had for lunch.)

Oh geez.

But that's totally not the point of this entry.

Ok maybe it was.

I don't know.

Where am I?

Oh, right.

At this lovely hotel that happens to be across the street from a wonderful conference center.

It's been fantastic.

For so many reasons.

First of all, Kevin and I have had some serious quality time together.

When we're not in the Big Room or in a lab or in a “fish bowl” or in open space, we're together talking through all we're learning and experiencing and thinking.

(Big Room=general worship and a main speaker, different individual each time.

This occurs once in the morning and once at night.

We still haven't caught a frisbee during the giveaway time. Grr.

Labs=twice a day we get to chose one of out 10 different lecturers and topics.

All, of course, relating to youth ministry in some way, shape, or form.

Fish bowl=sitting in a lab classroom in a large circle, discussing a specific youth min. topic with fellow youth workers and a moderator.

Open Space=too complicated to explain right now. But super cool.)

We have loved this extended time we've had.

And the connection we've experienced as we work together in this ministry.

It's been amazing for me to see a increased passion ignited in my husband's spirit.

I wasn't sure how he would react to all this “youth worker” business.

I thought he might be a bit bored.

Or annoyed.

But he may be even more pumped about all of it than I have been.

What an encouragement that has been.

I think I've been keeping as many notes on the topics we've been discussing as I have during the “professional” labs.

It's so exciting to see what God is doing in us and between us and what He wants to do through us.

Besides this afternoon of me possibly being sick, we haven't even had the time to stop and wish we had wireless.

I haven't checked my email or Twitter or the blog since Thursday.

What's that?!

I normally check those things multiple times an hour.

No lie.

But it's been refreshing to experience life without these technologies.

Though who could believe a great hotel and huge conference center wouldn't be covered with wireless internet access.

I mean...really.

I have bags and bags of information.

Seminary pamphlets.

Thousands (or tens) of mission trip packets.

Free chapstick.

Service opportunities.

Resources up the whazoo.

And I cannot lie, I may have ingested more candy this weekend than I have in the last 2 years combined.

This sugar high may be the cause of my shakiness.

I have yet to determine that.

It's been good to learn from those with wisdom and experience.

More years of experience than years I've been alive.

And it's encouraging to realize that we have done some things well.

That we're not at the bottom end of the tier.

That we have something to offer.

I might need to go through the day by day, hour by hour experience at some point.

Mostly for my own posterity's sake.

(Is that at all the right use for that word?

Who knows.)

But for now, this is me signing off.

And wondering when might actually get to post this.

Seeing as how I've had to type it up in a document.

Because our room charges for internet.

Oh geez.