Teens. Roses with a Few Thorns.

Youth ministry is often challenging. Many times frustrating. Frequently disheartening. But deeply rewarding. Seeing a student's heart open up like a timid flower is so beautiful. Knowing that it is only through Jesus that I love, accept, admonish, affirm, and even discipline. Teens sense that. 

They start trusting little by little. They start to enjoy your company; they smile when they see you in the crowd. But then they text you to talk about tough stuff. They sit in your living room and cry. They confess, they mourn, and they receive love and acceptance like a dried up sponge. 

Sometimes they take the advice, lovingly and firmly offered. And lives are changed. 

And sometimes they bring you flowers just to say thank you. 

And suddenly I am the one receiving love and affirmation so desperately needed. 

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[Free Methodist] Bible Quiz Finals 2013

It was fantastic fun, the loudest laughter, the best group of students & leaders for 5 days at Roberts Wesleyan College. BIBLE QUIZZING FINALS 2013! I had been sincerely excited about this particular Nationals for a few reasons.

1) I had actually studied and nailed the 45 quote verses.
2) Kevin, Brian, Tara, and I were going to be QUIC* quizzing with other adults - my first time quizzing!
3) Every year I connect with more and more people from across the country, catch up on their lives and look forward to seeing them again next year. What a great community.
4) We were taking a wonderful conglomeration of Albion students along with Tara, Kevin and me.

*QUIC = quiz masters and coaches division (aka - grown ups get to quiz for no prize other than the joy of it, from 8:30-10pm, when we're exhausted. Just because.)

Our week. In Photos. 

That's me with Zach - the boy who kept us laughing and light-hearted all week. We're TWINSIES!

The Young Teen Rookie Quizzers on the jump seats

Kirsten helped keep those Middle Schoolers in line with this look. 

QUIC Quizzing was SO MUCH FUN, especially because we had worked hard to know the material well. We were seeded FIRST after the round robin quizzing, and then finished second in our B division.

the ecclesecclesecclesTHOM Quic Quiz Team. And Karl.

(Karl was a STV A* quizzer who came to support us. And check up on Kevin's quizzing ability. ;))

*senior teen veteran A division

My favorite (and quite handsome) quiz master

Kirsten quizzed all year with these sweet girls from Gowanda and they placed 1st in their STV B division!

The Eccles Three!

We're so proud of our Young Teen Rookie Quiz Team for securing a 5th Place win (out of 14 teams).

And a shout out to their coach, also a "rookie," who lead confidently and calmly!

Each year coaches are asked to nominate deserving high school years as potential recipients of the Dave Markell Excellence in Attitude Award. In my opinion this is the MOST IMPORTANT award you can receive at Nationals. It is given to a senior who has shown faithfulness and commitment to quizzing, and a Christ-like attitude in and out of the quizzing environment. We couldn't NOT nominate our girl, Kirsten, for this award. 

During the week of Nationals, the regional directors observe the nominees in their interactions with other quizzers, coaches, and quiz masters and eventually come to a decision. 

KIRSTEN WON!

Tears streamed down my face as I snapped this photo. I am incredibly proud of the godly life Kirsten leads and thankful that she was honored today with this prestigious character award. 

Thanks for being my roommate this week, Kirsten, 

and for being an amazing student and a true friend. Love you!

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My Multitude of Children

Seeing as how it's Mother's Day, I thought I would share some pictures of the children God has blessed me with over the past 5 years. Though I may not yet (or ever) have biological children of my own, my life is rich, filled with dozens of kids who become an integral part of my heart's beating. I love each of these fiercely, with a passion and protectiveness that mirrors a mother's. And from their own lips these beautiful children reciprocate this relationship with me as they tell me how much they love me or when they ask me to fill in as their mom in a classroom activity or by writing me Mother's Day cards.

Last year was a darker, more painful encounter with Mother's Day, being reminded of what I don't have, but today I am grateful to be relying more closely on the fullness of Jesus and recognizing the multitude of blessings He has poured out on me.

These sweet girls are somehow like daughters and sisters to me.

My three T kids, who I mothered for two weeks in March

My Maddie on her birthday

My Kate, Viv, Olivia, Riley

My massive family with whom I spent those 3 beautiful years with in Michigan

A return Michigan visit with those Crazy Kids.

For two years, I have spent my Thursday Morning with these lovelies
(babysitting at Morning Moms.)

My Michigan Heartbeat

My precious Jillian

My sweet Amelia baby, born the day we moved to NY, we have a beautiful bond.

My Tess, Calandra, Arella and Catherine. Such sweet spirits. 

My Tilly, Hailey, Riley, and KayKay. Love them in my life. 

And to the mothers of all of these beautiful children of mine, thank you so much for sharing their lives with me. I am sure it's not easy to allow another woman to pour into your baby's life and become deeply connected with them. But you let me in, you encourage me along the way, and I feel so loved and appreciated by each of you. 

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Lest I not to mention how thankful I am for the two moms I have, I am reflecting on the truth of the words I  wrote three years ago. Read here.

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Ten (Thousand) Reasons

This morning my heart is singing of God's goodness, so I thought I should share ten (thousand) reasons I'm counting my blessings.

1) Brownies baking. Nothing like that scent ruminating through the house.

2) Open windows, allowing the warmth of this finally-Spring morning.

3) Filling the clothesline with freshly laundered clothes for the first time this year.

4) Noticing the first sign of growth in my tomato and pepper seedlings.

5) Balancing the checking account, being able to pay bills and taxes, and depositing more blessings to take their place.

6) I actually really do enjoy keeping our detailed financial records. I'm a geek, I know.

7) Having middle school students ask if their brother could have one of the student Bibles we've been giving away. Filling in a teen's name on that first page is such a privilege.

8) Noticing the inside cover of one of those Bibles, given out only a month or two ago, already filled to overflowing with this 8th grader's favorite verses.

9) Planning for the Sunday worship set and finding the perfect song to flow from the a cappella Doxology. Oh, I simply canNOT wait to worship with my people.

10) Coffee with a student who is searching for Jesus. Sharing the story of redemption, the free gift of grace. Explaining God is love. How freedom and healing is found in Christ alone.





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Thursday Girls

Kirsten, Martha, Laurel, Marella, Melanie

Thursday from 7:30-9:00pm is one of my favorite times of the week. I mentioned it along with a whole slew of weekly youth encounters a while back, but after the four fantastic hours I spent with these girls tonight, I just had to elaborate.

Back in September I felt I needed to make a conscious effort to spend more focused time with the high school girls. I sent out a letter to each of them - at least 20 - and invited them to my house on Thursday. This would be a sort of "small group" but without any particulars. We weren't going to have an "agenda" per se, but just follow the conversation wherever God would lead. (Conversation amongst high school girls is certainly not hard to come by, after all.)

That first Thursday, my girl Kirsten showed up. And for the next few weeks it was just the two of us. Kirsten, a 12th grader, is one of the quieter girls in the youth group so I was thankful to have this time to share hearts without distraction. I believe it is largely due to those evenings we spent together that we have grown into really close friends. I am going to be geniunely broken-hearted to send her off to college in the fall.

Kevin snagged this impromptu picture of Kirsten and I at Dare2Share

At that point in our Thursday girls group, Olivia and Marella started showing up. This added a really great dynamic to what Kirsten and I had going on, and the four of us decided to read through the book Head-to-Soul Makeover: Helping Teen Girls Become Real in a Fake World This proved to provide an excellent environment to be honest, even raw, with our struggles and to encourage one another to make real changes in our lives to become more Christ-like. 

Shortly thereafter, I felt led to personally re-invite a couple girls to join our group. Pretty soon Martha and Laurel had joined us, and the six of us formed a fantastic small group. 

We are the quieter, thoughtful types, the ones who want to fit in yet know that fitting in wasn't worth sacrificing our truest selves. We're the "good girls," the ones the grown ups love and the peers don't really get. We're the never-miss-church types, who just need space to be real every now and then. We love talking about quirky television shows, eating far too many cookies, drinking cup after cup of tea, and settling in for some heart-stirring conversation. (These descriptions are the reasons reading Graceful was the perfect choice for us.)

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time for a fun photo op. I programmed the self-timer to a 10-continuous-shots setting and let the crazy ensue. We had a blast posing, expressing, laughing, spelling "Cumberbatch" out of blocks, and shoving entire cookies in our mouths. These are just a handful of the collection. I want to cherish these Thursday Girls. 

"Expelliarmus!"

"We Heart Cumberbatch"
aka "We love the BBC show Sherlock and the lead, Benedict Cumberbatch"

Each week, I am continually honored that these girls want to come together in my living room. I have never once dreaded their arrival (Yes, I'll be honest and admit I am not the "perfect" youth leader and sometimes dread other youth events). My heart was happy when the last of the four showed up "on time" exactly at 5:30 tonight, as the other three had all arrived early. I love knowing they look forward to these times together, enough to ask if we could expand our time given no school/no piano lessons.

Thank you, Jesus, for connecting me with Kirsten, Martha, Laurel, Marella, and Olivia. I pray I am as much of a blessing to them as they are to me. 

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Early Morning #YouthMin

At 6:30 this morning, in the midst of the busy week of musical dress rehearsals, taking care of 3 kids for 11 days, and being busy with my normal responsibilities, I drove around the village picking up a van load of middle school girls to take out to breakfast. I'm Melanie, I'm crazy, I love teenagers, and I do insane things like treating them to McDonald's before school one morning. Love my life.


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Bringing "Hostess" to a Different Level

Sometimes I feel like I'm not really an adult because 90% of my life is spent with teenagers. And quite frankly, dear friends, I love it that way. It's hard not to compare my life to other adult friends, to see how many real-live-grown-ups they have over for dinner on a regular basis. I convince myself that I'm missing the mark. After all, we don't have adults over very often - definitely not as often as a ministry couple should. 

Or should we? 

Who am I to try to rearrange the life God has called me to live? The one where I have 12 teenagers over for 2 hours every Monday afternoon, for a thing called Book Club, but where it becomes a time to laugh and love and be together. Or the one where I look forward to my Thursday nights, when a group of 5 dear high school girls cozy up on my couches, drink tea together, and share the deeper aspects of life as a godly girl. Or the spur of the moment mornings when we invite the whole slew of teens to come over for pancakes. Or how every Sunday morning, right after church, I fly out the door to unlock my house so our teen Sunday School class can pile in and enjoy learning and eating and listening in a more comfortable environment? (My house is NOT big people. It's actually quite tiny. But I've had as many 18 teens squeeze into the living room and dining room.) Oh, right! And every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons I have student after student (and sometimes their friends and a lot of times their families) filing in and out of my living room for piano lessons. And let me tell you that my job as a piano teacher is SO MUCH MORE than a job. It's a joy, a ministry. 

Am I more comfortable hosting teenagers in my home than adults? Yes. Does that mean I'm behind in my duty as pastor's wife? No. Am I strange for having honest-to-goodness inhibitions about having "grown ups" over versus teens? Perhaps. Do I need to get over that? Maybe. 

But I'm gonna go ahead and say with absolute freedom and conviction that I am proudly fulfilling the role Christ has called me to - which, for now, is ministering to teenagers. And call me crazy, but I love 'em. 

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Dare2Share 2013 | the Follow Tour

In April 2009, I co-lead my first youth group trip (ever) to Dare2Share along with Pastor Dale. We took 7 kids all the way to Chicago. 

February 2010, Kevin and I lead our second group to D2S, this time in Columbus, OH. 

And in February 2011, we took our largest group ever (21 teens and 6 adults) to the Columbus conference.

Last year was our first at a new church and we took the teens to a local snow camp that they had attended in the past. Kevin and I knew it would be a challenge to get a group on board with the idea of a teen gospel conference when none of the students could share stories from how awesome this weekend can be. But we spent the next many months talking it up, playing Greg Stier videos, telling parents about the life changing purpose of the event, and convincing 12 students that this was going to be an EPIC weekend to remember.  

back - Kirsten, Laurel, Pastor Kevin, Olivia, Logan
middle - Matilda, Alyson, McKenzie, Calandra
front - Melanie, Catherine, Riley, Elliot, Nate

I have to confess, this was the first time I have ever NOT been in a tizzy the morning (or even the week of) the big event. I never felt sick to my stomach with nerves. I didn't get stressed out. I never once cried. Kevin and I didn't even argue! 

PRAISE THE GOOD LORD. a serious miracle. 

It also has a lot to do with the fact that my husband, the official pastor, did 99.9% of the work preparing for this trip. He talked to parents, hunted down paperwork, found replacements for all 7 of the students who backed out for various reasons, bought the tickets, organized payments, talked with the pastor of the church we were staying at, orchestrated the use of two different families' vans for the weekend. I was just along for the ride drive. It was a beautiful thing. 

girls goofing off during some Saturday down time. 

I drove one van filled with 6 lovely high school girls. Our ride was generally quiet, aside from a few sing-a-longs and an outburst of giggling here or there. Kirsten (my co-pilot, a senior, and a dear girl) and I had some really awesome conversation between the two 6 hour drives. She was a great help, texting people for me, pulling up the right songs on my iPod, passing the toll booth money to make, gently pointing out when the light was "green." 

Kevin's car, on the other hand, was a loud, crazy conglomeration of 7th and 8th graders. When my 6 girls were conked out during the first 2 hours of our return drive, his kids were playing a rowdy game of "telephone" and making "snowmen" out of the Oreo's cream filling. God bless him. (I think I found a few extra gray hairs on his head this morning. *wink*)

a little "dance party" action as we waited for the final session/concert to begin

You can't fully prepare your students for the intensity of an event like this. The music is phenomenal (and LOUD), the worship is powerful and they may feel uninhibited for the first time; the skits and speakers are hysterical and engaging, yet profound and soul-stirring. These students were challenged to really KNOW the message of the gospel, the good news about salvation through Jesus Christ, and then tell their friends about what they're learning.

They spent a few hours on Saturday afternoon writing out their testimonies (see below)--the personal, undisputed story of what God has done to change their lives from what it used to be or what it could have been. And they practiced hearing one another's stories and engaging in active listening. 

Catherine, Matilda and Calandra work on their testimonies
Kirsten and Riley are in the back doing the same. 

Laurel and Aly write their testimonies 

My girl, Kirsten, and I

We were so thrilled that the students LOVED the headlining band Everfound so much. In fact, they were so pumped about the final session that they waited in lines for the doors to open AN HOUR before the doors were going to open (an HOUR before the session would start). That's a really good sign! Sure enough, they secured us 3rd row seats to the big concert and the closing session for the weekend. (Holy moly it's LOUD to sit right in front of the sub woofers. yow!)

I can't believe I caught this sweet jump on film!

Worship with Everfound was excellent. Fantastic song choices, excellent musicality 

Zane Black was everyone's favorite. He's a surfer dude with a sweet lingo, ridiculous stories, and a love for Jesus. 

Our girl Logan (third from the left) got to go up on stage along with the all of the RED shoe folk.
Greg Stier used his Red Converse to symbolize going all in for the gospel of Christ. 

For the first time in our history with Dare2Share we were smart enough to spend a SECOND night rather than trying to drive home after the final song of the night (at 9pm). Fighting traffic out of the convention center and driving many hours past my bedtime, combined with the typical snow storm was never a good thing. But praise God for wising up.

Staying Saturday night meant we could linger after the event, the students could purchase last minute tshirts and posters, wait in long lines to get the handsome dudes' (of Everfound) signatures, and then hang out back at the church for a couple hours before hitting the sack. It was WELL worth the extra night.

Matilda was literally freaking out with excitement to meet the guys of Everfound

Before heading down to join them, I got this great over-head group photo

Two of our students made life changing commitments to follow Jesus, and each one of them professed to deep encounters with Christ through worship or conviction to share their faith. And simply spending that TIME together is life changing in an of itself. What a great weekend! I am praying the Lord continues to produce fruit in their softened hearts and that Kevin and I would be faithful to water the seeds planted there. 

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Tears of Passion

Have you ever been so invested in something you've been brought to tears during part of the process? 

That's what happened to me during the teen Sunday School class I co-lead. Yes, it was embarrassing, but it managed to be simultaneously empowering. I felt freed up to be myself, to be passionate, to be so deeply invested that it showed up in the ugly cry. 

Those students were blindsided with the waterworks that transpired during a normally-predictable 45 minute class. I wasn't planning it or intending it, but when my gut began churning and my heart was pounding as my mind contemplated the spiritual complacency in the room, I couldn't hold back the gates to my tears. 

Yes, teenagers, I love you guys. I love hanging out with you and hearing about your life. But my purpose is greater, deeper and far richer than that. My heart's desire is that you would know the boundless grace of Jesus Christ and submit your will unto the One who gives unbelievably good gifts to those are obediently follow his lordship.  That may sound totally overwhelming or just plain unreasonable. But it's true. And I pray my life, my heart-on-my-sleeve kind of life, would show you a glimpse of a life lived in pursuit of Jesus. 

And that you would want the same.  

Youth Ministry - More Than Sunday Nights

Youth ministry is...

...a teen wanting to come early for piano lessons just to have more time together. 

...text invitations to a volleyball game.

...laughing up a storm about last night's dance party. 

...3 girls sipping tea in my living, sharing hearts. 

...Saturday morning pancakes, with couches full of kids. 

a few (of many) from this morning's Brunch Bunch

Youth ministry is more than youth group messages and crazy, stupid games. Youth ministry is connecting to the hearts of students by caring about their lives--their boy-crazy, home-work-stressed, sports-centric, too-quiet-to-talk-in-a-large-group, brimming-with-potential-for-greatness-lives. When students feel comfortable just walking in the front door, when your home is a sort of second residence for them, when they know they are safe with you, when you're the best person to come to about the latest frustration or stress or heartbreak. THAT is youth ministry. 

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A Week in the Life [of Youth Min]

The alarm rang, all too soon, and I forced myself to pull back the warm blankets and put my feet on the chilly  floor. This morning's 6am alarm clock was filled with purpose. I was so proud of myself for fitting in 20 minutes of yoga, shower/makeup/hair/dressed, and pancakes started by 7am. Seriously impressive for me. I am totally ready to do the mom thing, let's be honest. 

Carly was coming over for a very important reason. It was Geek Day at school (you remember, right? Homecoming Spirit Week?) and she needed her hair French braided. (Lest you deduce that French braids are somehow geeky...they're not. She was going for cute geek. There, I feel better about myself.) I was so glad she asked me if she could come to our house before school; I was really looking forward to it. 

I even made pancakes for the occasion. 

We didn't have nearly enough time together, but it was a wonderful way to start the week. And a beautiful continuation of last week's ministry rhythm. 

Monday afternoon was book club and two lovely girls talked with Kevin and I for over an hour, while enjoying the delicacy of Tostino's pizza rolls. After they left, we headed to the soccer fields for a quick tour and cheer of three different games--jv, varsity, and middle school. *whew* On our way into the school's gymnasium for a volleyball game, we stopped and talked with one of my sweet 11th grade girls and her boyfriend.

Wednesday evening, I finished up my piano teaching hours at 7pm, grabbed dinner, and headed with Kevin to LeBaron's for our second night ever of watching Survivor. I ducked out at 8:45 so I could make it over another teen girl's house for the season premier of Criminal Minds. We had talked before about being big fans of the show and it occurred to me a few weeks ago that we should make a date of watching the first new episode of season. And I'm so glad we did! It was a late evening for both of us, but it was comfortable and cozy and definitely fun. 

Thursday was filled with more piano teaching and then the time of the week that I've chosen to set aside for my high school girls. It's a pseudo-small-group. They can come, comfortable, sharing their week, laughing, growing together. I haven't pushed attendance because I wanted it to be a desired thing. It's been very small, but most wonderful. Our conversation this past week was so raw and honest and yet somehow encouraging. I like when we can all be ourselves. 

And that brings us back to today (oh, besides quizzing and youth group yesterday, and the mini trip to my house with 2 of the middle school girls to find as many "sparkly" accessories in my closet as possible to make their "Sparkle Day" of spirit week a success.)

May the Lord bless this week in ways I cannot ask or imagine. 

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