Our First Cruise

Dear Child of Mine,

Your Dad and I love each other very much. For realz. We're currently in the "Act I" stage of our marriage, as the TV show Parenthood would say - the time in our married life before kids (Act II) and long before retirement/empty nesting (Act III). And as much as I want you to join the two of us and complete the circle of love (what's that? a Friends reference? yeah...I do that a lot), I really do cherish the time we have just the two of us. It's only been five years, but I can see the changes we've gone through together, growing up more and more each year. Experiences will do that to you.

Ok, ok, enough of whatever *that* was. On to the cruise!

Last year we took a November vacation to Washington, DC, so when April rolled around I was already getting excited about planning another trip. We had talked about taking a cruise but thought it would be WAY out of our price range. Come to find out, after a lot of number crunching and internet researching and vacation-staging (I LOVE planning), we discovered the cruise was by far the CHEAPEST way to get away for a week.

And so, at 3am on Sunday, November 17th, we loaded up our trusty '98 Honda Civic and drove into New York City, Port 90 on 12th Avenue at 55th Street. We paid the $270 in parking for the week (and just who do you think you are, New York???? yeeesh), and wandered around the city streets to Time Square before checking into the Carnival Cruise. We boarded the 2008 Carnival Splendor and set sail around 6pm

We spent two turbulent days at sea, cruising down the Atlantic Coast. (Can I just say, it was really not a good idea to try running on the treadmill with the waves crashing out the window and the sensation of changing incline? I almost fell off many times and finally resorted to holding on to the handrails at all times.)

The second night on board was the Elegant Dining Night which is why we were all dressed up in that picture up there. ^ Don't we look charming and completely silly?

Once we reached the Southern States, temperatures continued to climb. After a few days, we sank into a beautiful routine - breakfast around 8:30, then sitting on the quiet deck until lunchtime, reading and soaking in the sun. Your poor father has extremely "English skin" (as he says), and burnt quickly on the first time in the rays. I, on the other hand, benefit from my one quarter Italian bloodline and was able to stay in the full sun almost the entire day without burning. (Here's hoping for no skin cancer when I'm 50.)


We did get off of the ship at Port Canaveral (though we didn't get further than the parking garage....), and Nassau and Freeport, Bahamas. The ports of call were rather disappointing, though, as we weren't interested in having to pay to get anywhere and do anything fun. We wandered around the touristy shops which really didn't interest us, and then headed back to enjoy the quiet decks on the cruise ship. Those were the BEST days on board, because all of the loud crazy crowds were on their excursions. Many people may think we're weird for not experiencing more, but the destination wasn't really the point for us--just getting away together, reading, resting, napping, soaking in the warmth. And we accomplished that!



The most involved we ever got on the cruise was during the 4 days of Team Trivia. On our first day at sea, we wandered in to check it out and were quickly flagged down by Mike and Allie (foreground on the left and right). They had formed a team with 2 Australian ladies (sitting to my left) named Mandy and Marie. The 6 of us had a blast together and won the first day's round! We gathered a few extra teammates over the next 3 days of competition and ended up getting 2nd place over all.

My proudest moment was when I correctly defined and pronounced this word: hippomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. "HOW?" you may ask. Well, thanks to your dad, I knew that "sesquippedalio" means "big words" and when I added the "hippo - monstro" meaning "large or gigantic" to the "phobia" suffix, I got "Fear of Large Words." Nailed it!

While we weren't impressed with this particular ship's service or food or decor or entertainment, we achieved our goal of fun and rest together. It was a wonderful time and I can't wait to plan another trip together. Maybe you'll get to come with us sometime. I hear Disney Cruises are the way to go! (We'd better start saving now!)

I hope you'll never question the deep love your daddy and I have for each other and how much we genuinely like spending time together. We'll plan plenty of family trips to be sure, but you shouldn't be surprised if we tuck you in safe and sound with grandparents or good friends while the two of us get away together.

Love,
Your Mom

To Beat or Not to Beat [The Strawberry]

Saturday, June 8th marked my second Strawberry Festival 5k Race in Albion, New York. 

Last year, there were 150 runners in the 5k division. This year there were 207.
Last year, there were 30 Run for God participants. This year there were at least 60 or 70.
Last year, my husband was waiting at the 1 mile mark shouting out times to the races. This year, Kevin was a runner.

Yes, my husband ran a race with me, friends. Yes, I was thrilled and so so proud of him. No, I will never urge him to run again. He has given it a great effort and if he decides to run in the future it will be all him. No more pushing from the wife in the peanut gallery.

The colorfully attired group of Run for God Racers

Circled up for prayer.

I was anxious all week about the race, mostly because I had a really great finish last year and I wanted to PR but wasn't sure I could. I have become a much more controlled runner since enlisting the help of my Garmin Forerunner 305 GPS watch. I strive to keep my pace steady and mile splits negative - a far cry from my last year's race with the first mile at 7 minutes and mile two close to 9. eeek.

Oh yeah, and last year I puked 4 times as I approached the finish line. People remember this stuff. And as good of story as it is (really, I love telling it with gusto!), I was really really hoping I wouldn't feel like barfing. Because that's just miserable. Besides being pretty darn embarrassing.

The shot gun went off and I hit my stride easily. Thankfully I wasn't as nervous as I thought I might be. It's hard not to fly up to top speeds during that first 5 minutes when the Speedy Gonzaleses of the course blow by you at 5-minute-mile paces. But I controlled my tempo.



Around the half mile mark, my friend Sheila tapped me on the shoulder and I grabbed her hand and said, "I'll stick with you!" I was suddenly overtaken by emotion, feeling so thankful to have a friend who could run my pace and keep me sane during those miles. Tears welled in my eyes.

Last year, those last two miles were lonely and painful. This year, I had friendly competition, company, and encouragement. "To God be the glory!" Sheila said.

We stuck together at a steady 7:40 pace throughout, despite some pain and a wave or two of nausea. We told each other it would be fine if either of us felt the need to slow down or speed up, separating.

Finally at the last half mile, I felt a burst of energy and took off ahead of Sheila, finishing just 16 seconds ahead of her.

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I managed not to puke all over the place, as close as a call as it was during that final uphill climb. I couldn't push it out with a sprint at the end, because I wasn't willing to barf. Thankfully, and to God be the glory, I finished THREE SECONDS faster than last year's time!! It doesn't seem like much, but in the running world (and to me!) it's a victory nonetheless!



My handsome husband finished spot on his goal time of 35 minutes, and the tears flowed as I saw him coming up State St. I ran up to meet him and then let him continue to the finish line on his own. He did a great job and hasn't suffered any serious pain or injury. He even stopped just before the end to help comfort one of the teens who had stopped to throw up. He is such a great guy.

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It was fantastic to have my Grams and Chuck along with dear friends, Lou and Jeri at the second mile marker cheering us on! I love to see familiar faces when I race.

And then there was my momma, cheering like a pro at the finish line for every single runner. Yes, mom, you deserve a medal for "Best Cheerleader." Thanks to all three of you for coming out to support us on a rainy, chilly, early morning.

Sheila and I both placed FIRST in our perspective age groups and were totally pumped about our wins!

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In the complete Race Results, I discovered I finished 4th overall for females and Sheila came in 5th! I am so proud of us both and still SO THANKFUL for a running partner so matched with my tempo. God is good, even in these little things.



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[My Husband Is] Adorably Hilarious

This is what I received for our fifth year wedding anniversary. I love him, I really do. And I love that he knows exactly what will make me laugh and what I will think is irresistibly adorable. 

*click on the image to view larger resolution (and actually read the words.)

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Photos From Our Fifth

Our Fifth Anniversary Date Day was a wonderful success! Kevin arrived home on Friday (our actual anniversary) around 7pm from a two day church conference. I presented him with a small token of my love -  this vintage-esque Detroit Tigers shirt.

Saturday morning, we took 5 minutes to set up our tripod and camera for a photo shoot at my request. Thank you, Husband, for humoring me, for putting on your nice sweater, for smiling beautifully and for doing something just for me (because I know you do not enjoy being in front of the camera.)

We made it to Goodwill around 10:15am, called Kevin's mom to sing Happy Birthday (complete with harmonies!) and headed inside for a shopping spree. This was another stop in our day that was mostly for my personal pleasure.  We found --

-a fantastic dress for me to wear on our November cruise - for $8.99
-two pairs of Converse (shoes I've wanted but couldn't spend $60 on - I got both pair for $13)


-for $4.99 an Apple Peeler/Corer/Slicer
-a pair of shorts for Kevin
-jean capris and running pants for moi
-a folder filing system for the piano studio

Not a bad haul!


Thank you, again, Kevin, for being such a good sport (and for having really good taste in dresses - Yes, he picked out both of the dresses I'm wearing in these pictures).

I love the style of this dress. And I wanted to show off my new pixie hair cut again. 

We had a delicious lunch at Java Junction! I was thrilled Kevin enjoyed the food and the atmosphere as much I thought he would. He loved his Avocado Mac and Cheese and Seafood Bisque, and I enjoyed a Mesa Chicken Wrap and salad. The Chocolate Raspberry Coffee I had was phenomenal and Kevin loved his classic iced coffee. We shall be back, JJ.

Lunch was finished just in time to take a stroll down to the Strand Theater for the $5.50 matinee showing of Star Trek: Into Darkness. This is the first movie in a long time that I haven't been counting down the minutes till it's over. (I just can't seem to sit for two hours of focused attention any more. *sigh*) But it was a really great show! I mean, I heart Benedict Cumberbatch so it's a winner for sure. ;) Kevin enjoyed it even more because he's seen all of the original Star Trek episodes.

I include this photo for proof that "We Heart Cumberbatch"

After the movie, we wandered around Main St. in Brockport and then headed to the Mini Golf course. We decided the course left a lot to be desired (and it was a bit chilly) so we drove away. We made it to Miller's Amish Bulk Food and Bakery just before closing and man o man will I be back! I bought Cashew Butter, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Rye Flour and Kevin's dates--all for great prices.



On our way to Medina for dinner, we stopped at a yard sale and scored in the book department. Don't ask me why we're buying more books when we just purged our shelves a few months ago, but we couldn't help ourselves. Kevin was excited to find a great selection of out-of-print Isaac Asimov books and I found a slew of Henri Nouwen books. The contemplative Phi-Rel girl in me was nearly squealing with excitement.

Thanks to a gift card, we enjoyed dinner at Avanti's - splitting a pizza (with lots of leftovers!) and ordered Cokes for $19.



Though to many people our daily lives appear to be one big long date (don't get me wrong, we love living life just the two of us, getting to do and go whatever we want, whenever we want), but having an 8 hour day planned out on purpose was a true date for us. It seems low-key for a 5th anniversary, and it was. Because that's us. We love time together, time to laugh, time to talk, and if we can do it on dime, even better!



I love you, Husband of mine. 


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Married for Five Years

May 24, 2008

1st On our first anniversary, my husband picked out my most treasured kitchen possession - a candy apple red KitchenAid Stand Mixer. I bought him a new slimline Bible. 

2nd For our second anniversary, we shared an adventure at Cedar Point. 

3rd I don't remember exactly how we celebrated our third anniversary, but I wrote this post in my husband's honor. 

4th  Last year, Kevin and I headed to Sandusky again, camped out, caught a Tigers v. Indians game, and had a blast at Cedar Point. 

5th Plans were tossed around from months in advance, but we finally opted to stick to low-key, close-to-home, lots-of-time-together day. We'll be spending all day Saturday being together - our favorite thing to do.

• Coffee Date and Lunch @ Java Junction
• Shopping @ Goodwill
• Star Trek @ The Strand
• Mini Golf @ Fox Briar

March 2013

Dear Husband of Mine,

I am so thankful God established this covenant relationship between the two of us. Each day I am increasingly in love with you, deepening my respect for you, having more fun with you.

There really is no where else I'd rather be, than right here beside you, for always.

Relient K was one of our favorite bands when we got married and this song was played during our reception. He's still the Best Thing that's ever happened to me. 

Cause when I looked into your eyes and you dared to stare right back, you should have said, "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half."

I love you, Babe! Happy 5th year of marriage!

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Why is Adoption So Difficult?

The April 8th reading from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest says,

Our Lord's Resurrection destiny is to bring "many sons unto glory." The fulfilling of His destiny gives Him the right to make us sons and daughters of God. We are never in the relationship to God that the Son of God is in; but we are brought by the Son into the relation of sonship. 

As Kevin and I were reading that day's devotional together, it brought to my mind an answer to question I had been pondering concerning adoption. Why is adoption so expensive, why does the process take so long, why is there so much pain involved? Perhaps adoption needs to be a long and painful process for us just as it was for our God. 

Romans 8:15 (and other New Testament passages) proclaims the adoptive relationship we have Yahweh.

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

And how did we receive that Holy Spirit, friends? But through the sacrifice offered by our adoptive Father himself - giving his son to humanity, watching his torturous crucifixion, being forced to turn his back on Jesus because our sin was so black, and then sealing our adoption through the supernatural bodily resurrection and ascension of that same Christ. 

All for us. 

He wanted to invite us into his family, to be his sons and daughters, so desperately that he did more than wait a year or two, sign papers, deal with heartbreak and devastation, sign more papers, and finally bring that child home. No. God waited for thousands of years as his children rejected him, then gave him hope that they might possibly draw near to him, only be saddened again by their disobedient disdain. After centuries of waiting, he offered part of himself - his Son (the son who was already in perfect communion with him, who would never disappoint him or leave him, never disobey him) - as payment for our adoption. 

Ok, so I guess the thousands of dollars, the piles of papers, and the months of waiting really can't compare.

Lord Jesus, if you call us to adopt, please keep this perspective fresh in our hearts. Amen. 

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The Almost Adoption

My heart is in that hurting sort of place. I knew these kind of days would resurface, even after coming to a place of peace and contentment with our childlessness. But it seems to be impossible to completely ignore the desire and if I lost all hope that may not even be healthy, I don't know.

Keeping the balance between hopefulness and contentment is where Jesus must come in. 

But in these moments of sadness and wanting, of deepest yearning and tears, I thought I would share with you another portion of our journey down the road of infertility. (This particular story was hinted at in this post all those months ago.) Come with me, won't you, to June 2012? The days were extremely hot and our house was kept shaded by the closed drapes. In the midst of the heat I wasn't exactly thinking about options to expand our family, but then one presented itself. 

A dear friend of ours said she had an urgent matter to discuss with us and asked if she could come over for a visit. Our minds were racing, scrambling through the possibilities. You see, this friend was one of the only people with whom we'd share our interest in adoption. She was most certainly coming to us with a related circumstance. 

Wasting no time, she laid out the situation - There was a 19 year old girl, from a good family, living in a nearby town and attending community college. She had just found out that she was pregnant, eight months pregnant. This young girl, who was likely scared out of her whits, wanted to give her unborn child a wonderful adoptive home to be a part of and she was wanting to do an independent adoption. The baby could be born within the next four weeks, so if we interested in this opportunity we would have to move quickly. 

Before we knew it, Kevin and I were alone in our living room, staring at each other and wondering, "What now?" 

You should know we had done absolutely nothing to prepare for the possibility of adoption. All we knew was this is normally a long, detailed process, and we weren't sure how to begin. For the next four days we operated in turbo mode. We found an adoption attorney (we had never had any experience with a lawyer of any kind), we paid a $2,000 retainer plus the $500 consultation fee, we communicated with a third party who was speaking on behalf of the 19 year old girl and her family, we filled out the paperwork, we contacted a social worker who was willing and able to do an expedited home study (for an increased sum of money, of course), we had references write letters of recommendation on our behalf, we wrote our own letter to the birth mother.

This was the fastest, scariest roller coaster we had ever been on. There were days (hours, really) that felt extremely defeated. There is no way we are going to be able to do this all in time. Then there were moments of hope. Oh my goodness, we have all of our ducks in a row, this could really be happening. 

And in the midst of all of these meetings and this turmoil, we had to decide whether or not we were going to join the Bible Quizzers for a week in Seattle. Ack. It certainly wouldn't look good to the birth mom if we skipped town at this crucial time. But we had heard nothing back from her or her lawyer since moving speedily forward on everything. We were playing a waiting game and had no idea which direction the mother was going to go. We had made commitments to quizzing (and the money had been paid) and we didn't want to back out of our responsibilities if nothing was going to come of this adoption scenario. Does one of us stay and one of us go? 

For a short while I was considering staying in town to work with the birth mother, and Kevin would go to Seattle. But after over a week of no communication from the family or the lawyers, we knew it wasn't looking good. And so rather hear the devastating news all alone, I opted to go with Kevin to Washington state. 

Thankfully this turned out to be the right decision. We finally heard from our lawyer the day we were flying back to Buffalo - The birth mother had decided to go with an agency adoption. The case was closed. The matter settled. I am still grateful for the lawyer we had chosen to work with. She was generous enough to return our $2,000 retainer since she had done no further work on our behalf. And I was able to spend a week not dwelling on the heartbreak and stress and anxiety of the pending situation. I was with my husband and our teens, and the other leaders on the trip proved to be wonderful encouragement to me as well. 

---

And here we are, 10 months later. We are still interested in the pursuit of adoption, but we're not Dave-Ramsey-ready for that financial commitment. Our conversations on the subject continue and we are trying to make the choices that will be best for us and best for the child we bring home. 

But, dear friends, in the meantime you can pray. And please, if you know of someone who is looking for a Christian couple to adopt their unborn baby or infant, feel free to connect us to them. We are willing to wait for God's perfect timing in this process. 

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An Eccles Easter

We were so blessed to have our Eccles Family with us for this holy weekend. They arrived in time for the Good Friday service (which was a wonderful time of remembrance and solemnity with our Ecumenical brothers and sisters), and we still had plenty of time for a late stew dinner and good conversation before bed. There really is nothing quite as lovely as conversation with our parents. 

Saturday was a simply gorgeous spring day and we ventured out of the confines of our cozy home many times. We took a walk around the village while the Sour Cream Pound Cake was baking, admiring homes and wishing the canal was filled with its gentle waters rather than revealing the contents of its belly. 

After enjoying a light snack of Pacific Beach Peanut Butter (which I reviewed in yesterday's post) and homemade crackers, we opted for an exploratory walk through the locally acclaimed Mount Albion Cemetery. It might sound strange to enjoy a cemetery so much, but you would not believe the beauty contained in this sprawling, terraced, park-like grounds. Not only is it intriguing and emotionally riveting to read the various epitaphs and calculate lifespans, but the walking path is just incredible (not to mention extremely aerobic.) 

By the time our walk was over, it was time to head to Medina for an tasty tour of Della's Chocolates (we came home with Dark Chocolate Toffee & Coconut Clusters and Dark Chocolate Peanut & Raisin Clusters - a grown up kind of Easter treat!) and Rosenkrans Pharmacy and Gift Shop (where I couldn't resist buying 2 bags of Easter M&Ms on sale for $1.99 each!) Finally we were more than ready for a sit down, early dinner at Avanti's! (They don't open until 3:30 on Saturdays, 4:00 on weekdays.) The boys split some spicy Buffalo wings and a Cheese Steak Hoagie Pizza. I ordered a delicious salad with apples, walnuts and crumbled Bleu cheese (my dad would be impressed with my love of that stinky cheese), and mom enjoyed an amazing-looking burger and fries. (I shared a few of her fries and a Buffalo wing, so don't think I was too ultra healthy. :))

Sunday morning we enjoyed a celebratory worship service together at AFMC and rounded our time out with another filling meal. I opted to stray from the traditional ham or turkey dinner and made a pot roast with carrots, mashed sweet potatoes, biscuits, green beans, and that delectable sour cream pound cake with ice cream and strawberries for dessert. Yes, we were full! 

As we waved goodbye to our dear family, we opened the windows for a bit of fresh, 60 degree air and settled in to enjoy a true Sabbath Sunday together. 

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Eleven Lessons Learned in 11 Days of Parenting

From Tuesday evening, March 11th to Friday evening, March 22nd, we were entrusted with the care of 3 children while their parents went on their first-ever private vacation (to Hawaii!). Their kids are Catherine-13, Jacob-10, and Sarah-6. We moved ourselves into their house, which helped keep their lives relatively similar to when Mommy and Daddy are home. I was fully confident that Kevin and I could handle this task, but I was a bit overwhelmed with the time demand, wasn't sure how my husband would manage while I had pit orchestra practice from 4-8pm every day during the second school week, and was praying these children wouldn't suffer from overwhelming mommy-missing.

Praise the Lord, all went wonderfully. No, that doesn't mean the kids were angels for their special long-term caregivers. In fact, there were daily discipline issues. But Kevin and I learned a lot during these weeks. We learned how to communicate and stay on the same page (especially when those kids are trying to pit us against each other). We learned how to discipline out of love, yet with firmness. We learned which things are important to us -- like sharing meals together, praying before we eat each meal, respecting the one who cooks a meal, having children honor the authority of whichever parent is handling the situation.

Besides those important lessons here are just 

{Eleven Lessons Learned in 11 Days of Parenting}

1) Six year old girls really REALLY hate having their hair brushed. It's like you're trying to torture them within an inch of their lives. 

2) I now understand why some moms despise school vacations so much. Having those kids, particularly the young ones, at your feet all. day. long. asking for this and that and the other thing is just draining. 

popcorn and SkipBo together before bedtime.

3) It's amazing how much you can get done by 8:25 in the morning. I would wake up at 5:50am. Work out for a half hour. Shower. Kids were up by 6:15, eating breakfast on their own/with Kevin's help. I would force Sarah to brush her hair, say goodbye to Catherine as she headed to the Middle School bus at 7:15, make sure Jacob and Sarah had brushed their teeth, help Sarah get on a reasonable outfit for the day (it's outstanding how much convincing was necessary to put on a clean pair of underwear every morning), do a load or two of laundry, eat my own breakfast while playing 4 rounds of the Matching Game with the two kids, clean up the kitchen from breakfast, bundle everyone up, and head out to the bus at 8:20. Not too shabby. 

4) It's possible to do everything we need to do AND do everything the kids need AND have a bit of down time just-the-two-of-us at the end of the evening. Even during the week of my pit orchestra rehearsals until 8:00pm, when we still had to get the kids home, un-wound, teeth brushed, tucked in, tickled, and prayed with, we managed to have fun times with those three and with just each other. I was genuinely shocked. 

5) Those big, beautiful child eyes are insanely hard to say, "No" to sometimes. 

Sarah Bug as we called her.

6) Whenever possible, don't take the kids shopping with you. You will inevitably buy more than you wanted to or be forced to deal with I didn't get what I want temper tantrums. 

7) My husband astounded me with his fatherly capabilities. I knew he would be a good dad, but man-o-man, he's going to be a fantastic father! He had this incredible capacity to discipline the children with definitive firmness (but not harshness), and be back to snuggling with them moments later. They respected him, responded to his discipline, and still loved him. 

8) We will always prefer driving our awesome little 5-speed '98 Honda Civic over a spacious mini-van (even with the cd player, leg room, and air conditioning). I don't look forward to the day it's a necessary commodity. 

9) It's important to incorporate those little hands in your daily tasks. Giving them responsibilities, telling them, "I need you to be in charge of this for me," empowers them to be awesome and even exceed your expectations. 

10) You can have genuine FUN with your children. It's a huge chore and a constant demand, for sure, but it's a wonderful, joyous gift to spend time with them. The toughest part is balancing saying, "Yes, I'll play with you"  with needing a) time to yourself or b) time to accomplish x, y, and z. Playing with them brings so much joy and connection for both of you, but it's ok to send them off on their own and teaching them how to entertain themselves. 

Kevin constructing the awesome blanket fort Friday night

11) We have WAY more time in our days than we ever realized. It's amazing how many more hours open up when you're suddenly filled up with responsibilities. Priorities are made, a goal-focused mind is set, and you still have time for devotions and a bit of Dr. Who with your husband before bed. :) 

Though we're happy to be back to our just-the-two-of-us routine, we're now confident that one day we will be able to handle the responsibility of parenthood and still make time for ministry, community service, personal fitness, and husband and wife time. I am thankful to Tara and Cliff for entrusting us with their babies for this amount of time and for empowering us to discover what we're truly capable of.

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The Husband of a Runner

If you've read the updated version of the blog's "About K & M" page, you will know two facts - 

a) I am a runner.

b) Kevin is not. Despite my greatest wishes. 

For as long as we've been a couple (going on nine years!), one of my biggest hopes is that Kevin would become my running partner. Typically, about once a year, I catch him on a good day and he agrees to run with me. This run normally ends after about 10 minutes - me soaring with glee, and him being frustrated that he's not in the same fitness bracket as I am. Understandable. 

I never give up asking (mostly because he's told me it doesn't hurt to ask, just don't nag). Every month or two, I say, "Will you come on a run with me today?" And he inevitably responds with, "No." If there is even the slightest hesitation on his part, I latch on with the most unreasonable amount of excitement only to be let down shortly thereafter, when he admits he was never considering it to begin with. 

Last fall he endeavored to start down the path of overall health and fitness. On his own volition we bought him a pair of minimalist New Balance shoes and my parents gifted him some UnderArmour pants for Christmas. He was faithful for a month, getting up before dawn two or three mornings a week and heading out for a mile or two all on his own. (You see, we finally figured out that he needed to work through this without my coaching or exaggerated thrill.) But then the weather changed and the runner* came to a screeching halt. 

*him not me. I have run all winter thankyouverymuch. 

And now it's time for the new session of our church's Run for God program to begin. (You may remember my stories from last year - Fairy Running and the Strawberry Race.) I talked with Kevin about the possibility of becoming the ambassador/coach/recruiter of teenagers for this program, hoping to grow the number of students involved. He jumped on board to my complete and utter amazement, saying that is the only way he'd want to participate--as a co-leader for the teens. He would be the newbie ("If I can do this you can do this") leader and I would be the veteran. 

I hadn't broached the subject with him after this initial interaction. You see, this subject is a fragile one, a tight rope walk, waiting for my own wrong move to push him off the oh-so-narrow bandwagon.

But then this happened: 

I'm going to leave my excitement unstated. You'll just have to imagine how I'm feeling about my husband running. 

The program starts this Sunday! Wish us luck!! 

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Bringing "Hostess" to a Different Level

Sometimes I feel like I'm not really an adult because 90% of my life is spent with teenagers. And quite frankly, dear friends, I love it that way. It's hard not to compare my life to other adult friends, to see how many real-live-grown-ups they have over for dinner on a regular basis. I convince myself that I'm missing the mark. After all, we don't have adults over very often - definitely not as often as a ministry couple should. 

Or should we? 

Who am I to try to rearrange the life God has called me to live? The one where I have 12 teenagers over for 2 hours every Monday afternoon, for a thing called Book Club, but where it becomes a time to laugh and love and be together. Or the one where I look forward to my Thursday nights, when a group of 5 dear high school girls cozy up on my couches, drink tea together, and share the deeper aspects of life as a godly girl. Or the spur of the moment mornings when we invite the whole slew of teens to come over for pancakes. Or how every Sunday morning, right after church, I fly out the door to unlock my house so our teen Sunday School class can pile in and enjoy learning and eating and listening in a more comfortable environment? (My house is NOT big people. It's actually quite tiny. But I've had as many 18 teens squeeze into the living room and dining room.) Oh, right! And every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons I have student after student (and sometimes their friends and a lot of times their families) filing in and out of my living room for piano lessons. And let me tell you that my job as a piano teacher is SO MUCH MORE than a job. It's a joy, a ministry. 

Am I more comfortable hosting teenagers in my home than adults? Yes. Does that mean I'm behind in my duty as pastor's wife? No. Am I strange for having honest-to-goodness inhibitions about having "grown ups" over versus teens? Perhaps. Do I need to get over that? Maybe. 

But I'm gonna go ahead and say with absolute freedom and conviction that I am proudly fulfilling the role Christ has called me to - which, for now, is ministering to teenagers. And call me crazy, but I love 'em. 

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Dare2Share 2013 | the Follow Tour

In April 2009, I co-lead my first youth group trip (ever) to Dare2Share along with Pastor Dale. We took 7 kids all the way to Chicago. 

February 2010, Kevin and I lead our second group to D2S, this time in Columbus, OH. 

And in February 2011, we took our largest group ever (21 teens and 6 adults) to the Columbus conference.

Last year was our first at a new church and we took the teens to a local snow camp that they had attended in the past. Kevin and I knew it would be a challenge to get a group on board with the idea of a teen gospel conference when none of the students could share stories from how awesome this weekend can be. But we spent the next many months talking it up, playing Greg Stier videos, telling parents about the life changing purpose of the event, and convincing 12 students that this was going to be an EPIC weekend to remember.  

back - Kirsten, Laurel, Pastor Kevin, Olivia, Logan
middle - Matilda, Alyson, McKenzie, Calandra
front - Melanie, Catherine, Riley, Elliot, Nate

I have to confess, this was the first time I have ever NOT been in a tizzy the morning (or even the week of) the big event. I never felt sick to my stomach with nerves. I didn't get stressed out. I never once cried. Kevin and I didn't even argue! 

PRAISE THE GOOD LORD. a serious miracle. 

It also has a lot to do with the fact that my husband, the official pastor, did 99.9% of the work preparing for this trip. He talked to parents, hunted down paperwork, found replacements for all 7 of the students who backed out for various reasons, bought the tickets, organized payments, talked with the pastor of the church we were staying at, orchestrated the use of two different families' vans for the weekend. I was just along for the ride drive. It was a beautiful thing. 

girls goofing off during some Saturday down time. 

I drove one van filled with 6 lovely high school girls. Our ride was generally quiet, aside from a few sing-a-longs and an outburst of giggling here or there. Kirsten (my co-pilot, a senior, and a dear girl) and I had some really awesome conversation between the two 6 hour drives. She was a great help, texting people for me, pulling up the right songs on my iPod, passing the toll booth money to make, gently pointing out when the light was "green." 

Kevin's car, on the other hand, was a loud, crazy conglomeration of 7th and 8th graders. When my 6 girls were conked out during the first 2 hours of our return drive, his kids were playing a rowdy game of "telephone" and making "snowmen" out of the Oreo's cream filling. God bless him. (I think I found a few extra gray hairs on his head this morning. *wink*)

a little "dance party" action as we waited for the final session/concert to begin

You can't fully prepare your students for the intensity of an event like this. The music is phenomenal (and LOUD), the worship is powerful and they may feel uninhibited for the first time; the skits and speakers are hysterical and engaging, yet profound and soul-stirring. These students were challenged to really KNOW the message of the gospel, the good news about salvation through Jesus Christ, and then tell their friends about what they're learning.

They spent a few hours on Saturday afternoon writing out their testimonies (see below)--the personal, undisputed story of what God has done to change their lives from what it used to be or what it could have been. And they practiced hearing one another's stories and engaging in active listening. 

Catherine, Matilda and Calandra work on their testimonies
Kirsten and Riley are in the back doing the same. 

Laurel and Aly write their testimonies 

My girl, Kirsten, and I

We were so thrilled that the students LOVED the headlining band Everfound so much. In fact, they were so pumped about the final session that they waited in lines for the doors to open AN HOUR before the doors were going to open (an HOUR before the session would start). That's a really good sign! Sure enough, they secured us 3rd row seats to the big concert and the closing session for the weekend. (Holy moly it's LOUD to sit right in front of the sub woofers. yow!)

I can't believe I caught this sweet jump on film!

Worship with Everfound was excellent. Fantastic song choices, excellent musicality 

Zane Black was everyone's favorite. He's a surfer dude with a sweet lingo, ridiculous stories, and a love for Jesus. 

Our girl Logan (third from the left) got to go up on stage along with the all of the RED shoe folk.
Greg Stier used his Red Converse to symbolize going all in for the gospel of Christ. 

For the first time in our history with Dare2Share we were smart enough to spend a SECOND night rather than trying to drive home after the final song of the night (at 9pm). Fighting traffic out of the convention center and driving many hours past my bedtime, combined with the typical snow storm was never a good thing. But praise God for wising up.

Staying Saturday night meant we could linger after the event, the students could purchase last minute tshirts and posters, wait in long lines to get the handsome dudes' (of Everfound) signatures, and then hang out back at the church for a couple hours before hitting the sack. It was WELL worth the extra night.

Matilda was literally freaking out with excitement to meet the guys of Everfound

Before heading down to join them, I got this great over-head group photo

Two of our students made life changing commitments to follow Jesus, and each one of them professed to deep encounters with Christ through worship or conviction to share their faith. And simply spending that TIME together is life changing in an of itself. What a great weekend! I am praying the Lord continues to produce fruit in their softened hearts and that Kevin and I would be faithful to water the seeds planted there. 

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Contentment with Infertility (?!)

I left you hanging back in January when I wrote a post about the first and only round of infertility testing I have undergone. After many writing detours, I will return to the subject which stands in forefront of my mind and, because of your friendships, many of yours.

It has been another 4 months since the procedure which many were hopeful would clear up an unknown issue and result in pregnancy.

And, no, I have not yet conceived.

I am at the point of acceptance. I no longer face devastation month in and month out. Disappointment or sadness rise up occasionally, but my heart is not filled with the same negativity as the previous 31 months. Thanks to the grace of the Lord, I am experiencing contentment. 

True contentment has been allusive for so very long and couldn't be achieved because it was always accompanied by a deep down manipulation - "If I am ok with this situation and appear to be content with where God has me, surely he will bless me with what I really want."  It was still all about me.

I remember my husband talking with me all those months and years ago, counseling me to come to accept whatever plan the Lord has for our lives. I wasn't ready to hear that message and I was angry that he would consider recommending that for me. But these days, I have such a wonderful peace. I love where we're at and I'm actually excited to be used by God in whatever way He sees fit. If that means giving birth to our babies next year or ten years from now; if that means becoming foster parents or pursuing some form of adoption; if that means focusing all of our attention on the people we are called to minister to (be them teens or college students, kids or adults.) I welcome HIS plan. 

After many hours, many tears, and many prayers, we are both at peace with not pursuing fertility treatments. Since there is nothing medically dangerous going on with either of our bodies, we're going to leave natural childbearing up to our Sovereign God. If we become convinced adoption is the route God has for us, then we will be honored to pour our money into adopting and taking care of a child who has been brought into this world and is in need of care and love from parents like us. 

Pray. 

We would appreciate your continued prayers for us. Pray for wisdom, emotional strength, and obedience to God's plan. Pray for our future children, including those we may love like our own via ministry. Pray for our family, even if it remains the two of us. My desire for my own children has not diminished, and I still pray God will grant us our dream I just have peace about following any part of his plan. 

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The "Quick Fix" I Didn't Take

Can I just say what an amazing blessing it has been to finally talk about the "elephant" in my room? It's relief to not feel like I have to hide something, yes. But much beyond that, the outpouring of love, encouragement, and shared stories have been unexpected and beautiful. Thank you for being a friend. 

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

There are many paths a couple can take when they're faced with infertility. Tests, bloodwork, temperature readings, exams, referrals, pills, injections, and the list goes on. Here is how our journey started.

Six months into TTC* I was getting a little concerned and mentioned something to my Ob/Gyn at my yearly exam. He assured me there wasn't anything to be concerned about; we were young and in good health. "Give it six more months and if you still haven't conceived at the year mark, come back and see me." As you know, the one year came around with no prospects of a baby, and back to the doctor I went. Unfortunately for me, he was at the hospital delivering someone else's baby (the nerve!) and I was going to see the nurse practitioner. 

*trying to conceive

Now, here's the thing. I have absolutely nothing against Nurse Practitioners. In fact, I rather like them. But this appointment was a BIG DEAL for me. I had officially crossed over the medical line into infertility. I wanted answers, guidance,  help, and most importantly someone who knew me and my story. This woman came in, heard my brief synopsis, looked over my ovulation tracker, deemed me "ovulatory" (a good thing) and then proceeded to write up a lab request for anovulation and a prescription for Clomid (pill for anovulation.)  Something just didn't add up! She wanted to give me a quick fix (for a problem it didn't appear I had) with a pill that has been known for crazy side effects (namely hormonal, but also risk for multiples). Between that uneasy feeling in my gut (this just doesn't seem right, Mel) and the fact we were packing up and moving our lives 3 states away just one month later, the paperwork was pushed to the bottom of the pile...

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Coming to Grips: August 2011

If this is the first time you've been to our blog (or if it's a been a while), let me say welcome. Pull up a chair, bring a mug of your favorite tea, and join us. Right now we are in the middle of sharing a very personal struggle. For the first time ever, we are publicly sharing the details of our on-going journey through infertility. Please feel free to read these previous posts before continuing.

31 Month Confession 

Journal Entry at the 12th Month

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Before we move to present struggles, glorious victories, and what in the world we've been doing to "treat" this for the past 2 years, here is a slightly-gut-wrenching journal entry I wrote almost a year and a half ago.

august 27, 2011

So much pain poured out in my prayer journal this morning. It was welling up inside of me--anxiety, hurt, fear--and it came flowing out in tears. 

Oh, God! Why are my insides pulling part, churning, convulsing? You are so, so good to me. And I don't know where this anxiety came from, Jesus. Give me clarity. Show me your peace. So much tension is welling up inside of me, God. 

What if we never have a baby? That is becoming more and more a reality to me. and my heart breaks. I am at a loss for words, tears streaming down my face. Feeling alone, like no one can really understand. "Just wait," they say, "It'll happen in God's time." Why do they lie to me, Father? They make up niceties to tickle my ears and give me a false sense of peace. But nothing says you will give me a child. NOTHING. 

2010. June. July. August. September. October. November. December. 2011. January. February. March. April. May. June. July. August. 

That's 15 months, God. And my hope is fading. Yesterday, I ordered a necklace form Lisa Leonard Designs with a gift card I won. I had been waiting and waiting to order one with ours and our baby's initials on it. But it has occurred to me, in a very real way, that this day might not ever come. Or, at the very least, I shouldn't sit and wait for it to happen. Because it might not. And what are we to do? Do we get tested? When? And then what?

Could it be this is what you have for us? Life together, without babies of our own?

And now that I ordered the necklace I feel it releases me to live my life without planning around a little one who may or may not ever be. A job--is this what you have for me? Saving for who knows what?--a house, but why? a car? missions? vacations? adoption? 

In any case, it doesn't matter. I can't sit hear, twiddling my thumbs, waiting and hoping and praying and putting all my stock in my plans to be a mother. What if I'm never a mom--like I have always dreamed I would be? What if I never get to push that beautiful red stroller or use those adorable onesies that I started buying over a year ago at garage sales. It made sense then. We were going to start trying. We were going to get pregnant. I might as well start preparing.

But I was so, so wrong. And all of that was wasted. How could I ever let myself get so wrapped up in a hope, a dream? Assumption. Expectation. 

But you never promised this. You only promised to be there, be HERE with me. Through the pain. Into the unknown. Transforming into beauty. 

Be here now, God. 

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